so initially tonite's blog was gonna be about the systematic plan for the perpetual oppression of the black community...until i was swept up by a selfish wind and changed my mind. i'm writing about me tonite.
today was a decent day, but to be completely honest, i'm lonely...AS HELL. i watch one of my best friends with her boo and i actually get jealous. it's like he wants her so much, and i can't even remember what that feels like. my estranged husband (LOOOOONG story) used to be like that a few years ago, but since then i don't think i've experienced that. that someone who can't help but touch you, who just wants to be near you, who's satisfied just to be in your presence.
what really bothers me about it is the fact that i can't figure out why no one feels that way about me. what the hell is it about ME that doesn't make me that magnetic? that alluring? i know i'm pretty and funny and smart but why the hell am i not hypnotizing??? why aren't guys stupid for me?
i detest coming home to this empty bed EVERY night. i want someone to come hold me and lay with me and make me feel desirable. and don't tell me that i don't need a man for that because the truth of the matter is: i do. i can tell myself all day, but who's gonna validate and reinforce it? me again?
smh...i hate these nights. when i lie in bed and wish for a body to cuddle under. when i'm not tired enough to overlook the void i feel where a man should be...
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